I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
