someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
