Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im holly from the hills drunk
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
