There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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