The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Randomize
