It's just like the Real World with babies
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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