I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
