The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
ttyl tear gas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize