I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
