Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
