I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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