Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
