Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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