Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
