i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
