My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
