respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
