grandma shit on top of the toilet
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
