I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize