There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
