you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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