we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
