i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
