like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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