margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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