If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
