My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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