Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Please don't give away my fajitas
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
