It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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