before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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