I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
