She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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