you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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