So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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