We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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