She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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