what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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