i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
