Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
