Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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