Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
