I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
