just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
