it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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