You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
