do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
