What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
