you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
