Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
