Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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