I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
they need to just BURY HIM!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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