I just threw up on my dentist
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
