We won't sleep together?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
