You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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