I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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