it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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