3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize