you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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