You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
