I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
