singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
