there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
