I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hippo gnu deer
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
