your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
