when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
