Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
