Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
